How many spoons did you use today?
I’m not talking about eating soup or ice cream… hmmm, ice cream…
This will make much more sense if you’ve heard the story of The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino, author of the blog www.butyoudontlooksick.com
Read it using the link above or suffer through my shorter interpretive paraphrase below:
While out for coffee, a friend (we’ll call her Monica) without fibromyalgia asked her friend (let’s say her name is Rachel) with fibromyalgia what it felt like to deal with chronic illness day in and day out. Rachel looked around the restaurant and spotted a bunch of spoons on one of the nearby tables. She picked them up, handed them to Monica and said, “You have a chronic illness. These 12 spoons represent the energy you have for the day.
“You wake up in the morning and start getting ready for your day. For someone with chronic illness it may take 1 spoon just to get out of bed, 2 to take a shower and wash your hair. It will take at least 1 spoon to get dressed, 1 to make breakfast and 1 to eat.” All the while, Rachel is taking spoons away from Monica, leaving her with no choice or control. “Take away 2 more spoons for makeup and brushing your teeth. Just getting ready for the day has cost you 8 of your 12 spoons, and you didn’t even wash your breakfast dishes. Now you have to decide, how am I going to make my remaining 4 spoons last for the rest of the day?”
“This is something healthy people don’t even think about because they have an unlimited supply of spoons.”
So that’s the idea of the Spoon Theory. This description has really resonated with me. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (in our house known as the F word) 10 years ago and I have dealt with chronic pain for as long as I can remember. Taking the Spoon Theory one step further, I’ll tell you that it can take all my spoons just to go grocery shopping by myself. How many spoons does it take to clean the house? Go on a date with my husband? Spend a day doing something I enjoy with friends? You get the idea.
It’s to the point where I budget my spoons like a miser. “If I do this thing in the morning I might not have enough energy to do the thing I really want to do tonight.” I’ve found it’s very hard for people (even friends) to understand my need to think like that- it’s also very hard for people to understand if I cancel something because I’ve just run out of spoons for that day. And to be honest, some days I have 5 spoons and some days I might have 25. The way I will feel on any given day is more unpredictable than October weather in Wisconsin.
OK- enough about spoons! I want to use this blog to reach out to the community of those with chronic illness. I want us to be brutally honest, but I also want each post to leave you, dear reader, with hope. Yes, we have a chronic illness. Yes, there’s a mourning process as illness progresses. Yes, we live with challenges that people don’t understand and, in turn, judge us based on their ignorance. Yes, our life can seem chaotic and out of control. We can feel isolated, rejected, misunderstood and it sucks!
BUT- and this is one of those big Holy buts- there is hope! Even with chronic illness- especially with chronic illness- there is BEAUTY in the BETWEEN, and we’re going to explore that together!
There’s only one place I do not budget my spoons, and that is when I am praising and worshiping my Lord! He is the only One who gets all my spoons. First of all, because the Bible tells us to worship Him with all our heart and soul and mind and strength. He is worthy of all my energy and all my “self” and all my praise.
I also believe there is a direct correlation between worship and hope and healing. My life verse, the verse I chose after going through depression, divorce, despair, discouragement, death and disappointment (not to mention a whole bunch of other words that don’t start with the letter D ;P), proves it. It says, “As for me I will never lose hope (or in some translations “I will hope forever”); I will praise You (God) yet more and more.” Psalm71:14 This has been the story of my life and it will continue to be.
I have so much else to say about my journey with Fibromyalgia, but I know better than to post a blog that reads like a manifesto. So for now, let’s all raise a spoon and toast to the fact that there is more to come on this topic, and soon!
If you have something (kind) to say about it, leave it under the Let’s Talk tab.