Tag: beauty

From Broken to Breakthrough… and the Beauty in the Between

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Have you ever felt broken?

If I’m keeping it real, I’ll tell you that right now I feel like a clay pot that was hurled down a flight of stairs, or a china plate that was unceremoniously dropped.

The Christian community has started talking more about brokenness, and God’s purpose for our brokenness- which is wonderful. Churches are embracing the truth that we’re all broken and we all need Jesus. The phrase “beautifully broken” has even worked its way into “Christianese.”

 

  

 

But can I just tell you?

When I feel broken I feel the opposite of beautiful. I’m sure I don’t look beautiful either, sporting my ugly cry and my resting pout face.

Don’t get me wrong- I get the concept of beautifully broken, and most of the time I embrace that with all my mind and all my heart. But other times…

 

 

 

Sometimes brokenness comes upon us suddenly.

When we receive an unexpected, but dreaded, phone call or news from the doctor

When we find ourselves in a situation where we just don’t know what to do.

When people and relationships fail us

Has this ever happened to you?

 

Sometimes brokenness is our constant companion.

When we are grieving the loss of a loved one

When expectations are not reality

When it seems we just can’t let go of a deep heart wound.

 

Living with chronic illness is a constant reminder that my body is broken. Sometimes the reality of my pain and my limitations breaks my spirit too. Have you been there? Are you there now?

 

  

 

The only thing I can do when I reach maximum brokenness is remind myself of Psalm 34:18 and personalize it as I claim its promise:

The Lord is near to Pamela, the broken-hearted, and saves you, Pamela when you feel crushed in Spirit.

Have you ever done that? Taken a passage of scripture and personalized it? Read it as if God wrote it just for you? Because guess what? He did!

God wrote those verses just for you. He knew exactly when and how you would need to hear them when he inspired David or Isaiah or John or one of the other biblical authors to write it.

 

Isaiah 57:15 says: “A Message from God, whose name is Holy:

‘I live in the high and holy places,
    but also with the low-spirited, the spirit-crushed,
And what I do is put new spirit in them,
    get them up and on their feet again.’

Verses 18 & 19 bring me even more hope:  

 ‘I decided to heal her, lead her, and comfort her,
    creating a new language of praise for the mourners.
Peace to the far-off, peace to the near-at-hand,’ says God—
    ‘and yes, I will heal them.’”

That, my friends is breakthrough!

 

  

 

If  you grasp these verses,

make them your own,

speak them as a declaration over your brokenness

and the things that make you feel broken,

then breakthrough is yours!

 

You may say, “but I don’t feel breakthrough. I don’t feel like an overcomer.”

And I would say, “Just keep declaring it!” There is divine power in the spoken word. 

This is more than a pep talk or a self-help daily affirmation.

This is speaking the very words of God over your life!

 

Hebrews 4:12-13 in The Message paraphrase tells us that

“His powerful Word is… cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God’s Word. We can’t get away from it- no matter what.”

Another translation of Hebrews 4:12 says that God’s word is living and active.

 

  

 

So there’s your secret- and the Beauty in the Between- between the brokenness and the breakthrough.

Cry out to the Most High God, the God who is with us when we are our most broken-hearted and spirit-crushed. And then, with that same mouth, declare His promises from His word and make them your own. You can even pray that way:

 

God, thank you that you are close to me, (your name), when I feel low-spirited and spirit-crushed. I ask you to put a new spirit in me. Help me, (your name), to get up on my feet again. Heal me, Lord. Lead me and comfort me. I, (your name), eagerly await a new language of praise in my mouth. I, (your name), stand with you and declare peace over my life and over my circumstances.    

 

He will hear that prayer! Psalm 51:17 tells us that God will not despise a broken and repentant heart. So no matter what we’ve done, or what’s been done to us, the Lord leans down from Heaven to hear our prayers (Psalm 116:2 NLT). When we pray with a broken and repentant heart, asking the Lord to give us a new spirit and a new language of praise- now that’s a powerful prayer for breakthrough!

The F Word… and the Beauty in the Between

pjt.psalm71.14@gmail.com

How many spoons did you use today?

I’m not talking about eating soup or ice cream… hmmm, ice cream…

This will make much more sense if you’ve heard the story of The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino, author of the blog www.butyoudontlooksick.com

The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

Read it using the link above or suffer through my shorter interpretive paraphrase below:

While out for coffee, a friend (we’ll call her Monica) without fibromyalgia asked her friend (let’s say her name is Rachel) with fibromyalgia what it felt like to deal with chronic illness day in and day out. Rachel looked around the restaurant and spotted a bunch of spoons on one of the nearby tables. She picked them up, handed them to Monica and said, “You have a chronic illness. These 12 spoons represent the energy you have for the day.

“You wake up in the morning and start getting ready for your day. For someone with chronic illness it may take 1 spoon just to get out of bed, 2 to take a shower and wash your hair. It will take at least 1 spoon to get dressed, 1 to make breakfast and 1 to eat.” All the while, Rachel is taking spoons away from Monica, leaving her with no choice or control. “Take away 2 more spoons for makeup and brushing your teeth. Just getting ready for the day has cost you 8 of your 12 spoons, and you didn’t even wash your breakfast dishes. Now you have to decide, how am I going to make my remaining 4 spoons last for the rest of the day?”

“This is something healthy people don’t even think about because they have an unlimited supply of spoons.”

 

So that’s the idea of the Spoon Theory. This description has really resonated with me. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (in our house known as the F word) 10 years ago and I have dealt with chronic pain for as long as I can remember. Taking the Spoon Theory one step further, I’ll tell you that it can take all my spoons just to go grocery shopping by myself. How many spoons does it take to clean the house? Go on a date with my husband? Spend a day doing something I enjoy with friends? You get the idea.

It’s to the point where I budget my spoons like a miser. “If I do this thing in the morning I might not have enough energy to do the thing I really want to do tonight.” I’ve found it’s very hard for people (even friends) to understand my need to think like that- it’s also very hard for people to understand if I cancel something because I’ve just run out of spoons for that day. And to be honest, some days I have 5 spoons and some days I might have 25. The way I will feel on any given day is more unpredictable than October weather in Wisconsin.

OK- enough about spoons! I want to use this blog to reach out to the community of those with chronic illness. I want us to be brutally honest, but I also want each post to leave you, dear reader, with hope. Yes, we have a chronic illness. Yes, there’s a mourning process as illness progresses. Yes, we live with challenges that people don’t understand and, in turn, judge us based on their ignorance. Yes, our life can seem chaotic and out of control. We can feel isolated, rejected, misunderstood and it sucks!

 

BUT- and this is one of those big Holy buts- there is hope! Even with chronic illness- especially with chronic illness- there is BEAUTY in the BETWEEN, and we’re going to explore that together!

There’s only one place I do not budget my spoons, and that is when I am praising and worshiping my Lord! He is the only One who gets all my spoons. First of all, because the Bible tells us to worship Him with all our heart and soul and mind and strength. He is worthy of all my energy and all my “self” and all my praise.

I also believe there is a direct correlation between worship and hope and healing. My life verse, the verse I chose after going through depression, divorce, despair, discouragement, death and disappointment (not to mention a whole bunch of other words that don’t start with the letter D ;P), proves it. It says, “As for me I will never lose hope (or in some translations “I will hope forever”); I will praise You (God) yet more and more.” Psalm71:14 This has been the story of my life and it will continue to be.

I have so much else to say about my journey with Fibromyalgia, but I know better than to post a blog that reads like a manifesto. So for now, let’s all raise a spoon and toast to the fact that there is more to come on this topic, and soon!

If you have something (kind) to say about it, leave it under the Let’s Talk tab.

From Plan A to Plan F… and the Beauty in the Between

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You know, at this point in my adult life I would have thought I’d have it all figured out; but friends, can I tell you the truth? I’m on a journey and I have no idea what my next steps will be or where I’ll end up! Which drives me crazy, because I’m a planner and a very goal-oriented person. I get great satisfaction from meeting deadlines and crossing things off my list. If you don’t believe me ask my husband, who alternately cringes or chuckles when I say, “OK- what’s the plan for…?”

This is not what I was expecting my life to look like at 44- believe me! God, in His sovereignty, has made it very apparent that in this season of my life, my plans are not His plans– and He has yet to reveal His plans. It turns out that my goals are not even on His to-do list for me- leaving me with no deadlines and nothing to check off! I feel like I’ve been wandering in the wilderness, waiting for what’s next, for more than a year now.

The other day I was complaining (possibly whining) to the Lord. “You called me to ministry and to a life-long commitment to missions, and here I sit… with no purpose and not knowing what’s next.” Man, did I feel convicted when I heard Him say, “I AM NEXT!”

I realized I was more upset about plans that went awry than I was about my whiny, ungracious attitude toward my Heavenly Father. I had to repent and ask myself, why was I striving for a plan and a purpose instead of seeking the Author and Perfecter of it all? Why was I chafing against unmet goals rather than lamenting over unmet moments with my Father, El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One?

And wandering in the wilderness? What if God’s purpose for my wandering achieves the same results as when the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years? In order to move into The Promised land God’s chosen people needed two things: to know Him better and to get the Egypt (the past) out of their hearts and minds. Without the wilderness they would not have been familiar with the depth and width and breadth of God’s love and care and guidance and provision.

Yes, that’s where I am… Wandering around my own proverbial Mount Sinai getting to know my Savior in a new way and letting go of the past. Letting go has been very hard, because it was a great past! I had my dream job; our income allowed us to live comfortably; my house was the scene for many meaningful family moments, extra teenagers, lots of laughter and food and fellowship; my husband and I thrived in our church and had many wonderful ministry opportunities; we had friends and a church family who loved us and knew us well.

Why in the world would we leave all that, you ask? Because we knew that God wanted to do a new thing in our lives. What is that new thing, you ask? At this point I have no idea!

We moved from Wisconsin to South Florida to pursue an amazing ministry opportunity, and when we moved it appeared that all the doors were open for us. However, just a few months after we arrived in Florida, that opportunity crumbled due to circumstances beyond our control. Next, we tried being on the pastoral staff at a church in inner-city Miami (something else I would have considered my “dream job” when I was younger), but within six months it was obvious that wasn’t going to work out either.

So now we say that we’ve exhausted plans A-E and are on plan F right about now (talk about funny-not funny!). We’ve found jobs in the secular marketplace and are recovering from some pretty intense burn out. It’s taken us awhile to make good friends here and even longer to find the right church. Through it all though, our eyes have been on the Lord. More than once I’ve prayed the prayer of Jehoshaphat: “Lord, we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

I am definitely in the “between” and there is plenty of beauty here, my friends! My husband and I are closer than we’ve ever been; we’re cheering on our kids as they all successfully “adult” out of our nest; we’re about to become grandparents; we are finally growing deep friendships in this new place and in our new church.

The most beautiful thing is that I’m learning I don’t need to have a goal, a time-frame or a destination- I just need my Jesus. And now I know my purpose in this season: to pursue my Lord; to truly learn to trust Him and believe that His best is yet to come, rather than looking over my shoulder at Egypt. I can rest in Him, knowing that at the right time, He will lead me to my next Promised Land.

Read the entire story of Moses and the Israelites in Exodus and Numbers.

Read more about Jehoshaphat’s prayer in 2 Chronicles 20.